In many instances, the life of a young university student cum writer is not very easy. We strive on our written works, as a hobby and as a way of appeasing our various creativities. There were times when I had to find slots between tight schedules to cater for my writing periods, pushing myself to create works for unknown readers. But in occasional moments, I would suffer a bout of Writer's Block...which hinders me from performing well in my hobby. I loathe the very existence of this 'est', but I realize that sometimes a writer needs some time off...thinking over ideas for too long can be bad for health.



Inspiration is a very hard thing to come by for a writer. I could not confine myself within my own boundaries...and for that, I had to delve into other subjects. I had to read reading materials concerning general knowledge, current affairs, politics, geography, languages. During my early teens, I always focused on fantasy books because I wanted to write a fantasy story. But after two years of unfinished writings and horrible hassles over rushed up plots, I couldn't make up my mind on how the story would go. So I took a three-month break, and from there I gained maturity in my written works. By discarding my outer shell piece by piece, I managed to come up and produce writings that pleased both me and my readers. However, these successes come at a price. Exhaustion was one thing, after many hours of tiring word-picking, idea-throwing and paragraph-setting. Another thing was lack of confidence. After performing an outstanding work, I was uncertain whether I could produce another good piece of work.



Writers gain readers by manipulating with their emotions. But that does not exclude us from being overcome by such sensitivities. It was a wake-up call to see how susceptible we writers are to human emotions...and I think it is a curse.

It was due to this curse that I fell in love with a girl. A girl from a different race...a different religion...and a different character. I loved he very deeply, and I was honest about my feelings to her. However, not everything was meant to be between us. The girl was deceptive, and lied to me. Had I not learned the truth from her best friend, I would have still been caught in the deception. In a fit of anger and depression, I cut off everything I had with the girl. I couldn't believe myself that I was being lied by a girl whom I showered great sincerity and honesty.

I was overcome with sadness and frustration. But, I think it is a stage that teenagers face. During my school days, I see classmates forming and breaking relationships like nobody's business. I don't want to be like that.



Sometimes I think of crying in the arms of someone I dearly love. But most of the times, I'm the one who is hugging people who needed help and a shoulder to cry on. Being a listener to other people's stories has been something I'm quite getting used to. I think it is due to this that I developed a quiet and reserved character...stoic, as what the people call it. I'm sorry. I just can't bring myself to cry in front of someone.

The only time I cried was when I received news that my grandfather passed away. I think that was the time when my emotions were in a depressing note. One of the things that touched a raw nerve in me was Ee's saying:

"The one thing that upset me during the funeral was when we passed by the house, and I was like 'Oh God, he's not coming back any more'."

By experimenting many emotions, I understood how vulnerable we humans are to our feelings.



Religion does not work for me. Sure. I still go to church and all that, but there is just less 'it' in this Christianity faith I'm following. Maybe it's due to influence from my dad that I had this perception...maybe it was Grandfather's death that altered my view...I'm not quite sure. I prefer not to discuss about religious aspects, whether in a spiritual or non-spiritual way. I try to avoid such talks, as it makes me feel uncomfortable. Plus, I must honestly say that I don't pray. I would be lying to you if I said that I read the Bible as a spiritual guide. No. I read it as any other book...a literature book, a motivational book, and a self-enrichment book.

It was because of peer pressure from my fellow church members, that I left the youth group and refused to go back there. I used to be so religious during my youth, that I talked to my father about it. I related to him about the prophecies in the Book of Revelation, how unbelievers would suffer seven years of tribulation...and how one day Jesus would one day come and take his believers to Heaven in what is known as the Rapture. My father would brush my words away, saying, "What is there to be so hyped up about religion? At the end of the day, it all boils down to moral values. Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity...they are all teaching the same thing."

Who would have thought that I would develop the same ideal as my father?

Though I have little regard for religion, I still live with human moralities. My principle in life is like what my dad used to teach me: Be humble and good to others, and stay out of trouble. I know that living a life of human conscience is not enough for a Christian believer, but that's my character.



And so...I continue my life as a student...and a writer.

Guess what was on today's newspaper? The Health Minister relinquished his position as Health Minister and deputy chairman of the MCA (the core Chinese political party for the coalition government in Malaysia), after a leaked DVD of him performing sexual acts with a woman surfaced into the eyes of the public. According to a survey done by the Chinese newspapers here, 96% of the Malaysian community refused to accept the Health Minister's apology, and wanted him to resign from his post.

Bummer. As if the world couldn't get any more scheming.



On another note, CT Academic Services declined to send my application form to Thames Valley University, citing tight deadlines. Damn it. Maybe I should have looked upon TVU much earlier, like during the time when I stumbled upon Oxford Brookes and London Metropolitan. Oh well...guess I'll have to mail the application to TVU by myself. Hey. At least it's better than doing nothing about it.

There is this other institution of higher learning I'm looking at for the moment. London College of Accountancy. They do have a number of courses which interests me. Bsc (Hons) Applied Accounting, BA (Hons) Applied Accounting, and ACCA. The degree courses are done in partnership with Anglia Ruskin University and Oxford Brookes University, while the ACCA course is taught by the college itself.

Hmm...I think I'll try to apply for those courses when I've received more information about them.

Hopefully my Ee* can help.



*Ee is a Cantonese term for 'Mother's younger sister'

Just received a call form Dr. Jenny Lee. The A2 exam result will be out on the 21st of January 2008. I don't know whether this is a good thing or not. But I think my application to Oxford Brookes University will be hindered...since I have to report myself to the university on the 25th of January 2008.

The UK visa will take about seven to ten days to acquire...

That could be a HUGE problem.



Oh well, to leave and let God...that's what my Christian peers used to say, isn't it?

Unfortunately, I'm not that religious to go into that kind of aspect. I'd rather avoid such sayings. This conduct...or ideal...was possibly influenced by my dad. All the males in my family doesn't believe...or hold steadfast allegiance...to any faiths. I used to be very religious during my early teens, but now I seem to be less enthusiastic about it. Without me realising it, my faith suddenly diminished...like a pile of leaves being blown away by the autumn wind.



Hindi ako relihiyoso

what a day to start the New Year...by waking up at 8 o'clock in the morning, and to only get out of bed at 9 o'clock. I suppose this was due to my late sleeping time last night, which was 1:30am.

My dad and I had a strong father-son bonding this morning, as we went out for brunch. I haven't seen him for more than three weeks (i was away with my family at Kota Kinabalu for the holidays and Father was unable to come with us), so there was a lot of catching up to do. We discussed about the universities we've selected for my higher education. Father wanted to eliminate Hertfordshire from the list, since the programme offered was a diploma...not a degree. I'm not sure whether that's a good idea. I mean, of course it's a diploma...but I have to keep my options open for the moment, since not everything is certain yet.

There was this 'athway' my Ee from England suggested to me. Instead of taking a degree programme, I can go straight for the ACCA programme. In it, I will study the Fundamentals of Accounting...before taking the Part I and Part II examinations. A degree in Accounting would normally exempt the student Part I and Part II of the ACCA, leaving him/her Part III to tackle. However, the ACCA programme has an advantage, as you can garner work experience while you study for your certificate. In addition, you can opt for a 2nd year degree in Applied Accounting at Oxford Brookes University while studying or after obtaining the ACCA.

Hmm...wonder if that's a good thing?

The whole family went to Bintang Plaza shopping complex this afternoon. I bumped into a lot of recognisable faces during my stroll there.
There was Judy, a 'former' friend of mine from the same church
Chong Li Kien, my Form 1 classmate
Mr.Tan, my A-Levels Physics teacher
and an unknown lady who I met at SMK Chung Hua Miri yesterday

The thing is, I saw them...and they saw me.

But, I didn't say anything to them. The only person I communicated with was Mr. Tan, due to the fact that he was my teacher...and teachers should be respected.

Nah. I wasn't ready to talk to them anyway. I'm still trying to get my bearings after a three week absence...which has triggered the 'reserved and quiet' personality within me. Sure. I'd love to talk to them...but not now. I need some time alone. Though I think time is working against me. It won't be long before the results are out, and I'll be busy preparing myself to leave the hometown. Will I be able to reunite with my friends in time, before the hour of departure sounds?


NOTE TO SELF: Jill hasn't replied to the SMS. Good grief! I'm going to lose my temper if this goes on. She wanted the reunion meeting so badly, and now it's been repeatedly stalled.

What a (TOOOOOOT) jerk.